One Selfish Act
by DashingHero
Summary: Set after TYTNW. Ianto's reaction to Jack get back. Warnings: Swearing, minor Jack-bashing and small spoilers for KKBB and TYTNW. Ianto may be considered OOC.


A/N: Not sure about title

Warning: Jack-bashing, swearing and small spoilers for KKBB and TYTNW.

Disclaimer: (Insert clever, sarcastic remark) I don't own Torchwood or its characters.

* * *

Jack was back.

There was new pain and darkness shining in his eyes every time he looked at me. I knew he felt guilty for leaving me but no matter what I wasn't going to give in easily.

I swallowed, pushing away the build up of emotions for another time.

* * *

We're in an office and he's just asked me out on a date. He looks so fucking nervous. I don't care. I love the bastard but want an actual relationship. This is all an illusion.

"Why?"

My question is obvious.

He comes to a halt, eyes cast downwards.

"I needed answers. I thought that the Doctor could help."

"Where did you go?"

"Does that matter?" Jack is getting frustrated, defensive even.

"Yes! You fucking kissed me in front of everyone, outing me without my permission and then swan off to God knows where. You probably thought I was waiting with open arms, ready to take you to bed. Well I'm not. I don't want to be your whore anymore."

Jack just looks shocked. Bet he didn't expect the poor quiet Welshman to have feelings.

"I….I saw so much death, died countless of times each day for a whole year and the thought of you kept me driving on. I…."

"Jesus Jack, now you're trying to fucking guilt trip me. Make me feel all sorry for you and then I'll forget how you hurt me. Do you know what it feels like to know that the man I fucking love thinks it's perfectly fine to screw me and then leave me? I felt like shit every time you and Gwen flirted and made googly eyes at each other. It made me believe that you were just settling for me over her yet I wouldn't be surprised that if you had been with her, you would have still left for the fucking Doctor. You know that actually makes me third best. You figure out that life with him isn't all sunshine and rainbows so come back to this fucking dump. You can't have her cause you're not a home wrecker. So you settle for poor, little me."

Tears had gathered in Ianto's eyes threatening to run down his face. Taking a deep breath, Ianto steeled himself. He truly did feel sorry for Jack but, just this once, he was going to be selfish.

"I'm sorry," Jack swallowed, a few tears running down his face, "I never knew you felt like that." Jack leaned against a wall, sliding down it and rubbed his hands over his face.

"I love you Ianto. You never were second best… or third best. I tried hinting sometimes that I may have to leave in a sudden rush at any given time, so you would expect it. I should have told you outright."

Jack took a deep breath, shuddering slightly.

"I'm not going to lie. I flirted with Gwen because I was attracted to her. It didn't mean a thing though. After all I flirt with everyone, I guess more with her, but I have….had you. Why would I need anyone else when I have a gorgeous Welshman by the name of Ianto Jones?"

The tears finally fell from Ianto's eyes. He was torn. Should he go and comfort Jack, stay where he was or leave?

"How do I know you won't leave me again?"

"You don't, neither do I. If I ever have to leave again, I promise to tell you beforehand and I will always come back for you. Please believe me when I say that I love you."

"Jack, you have made so many promises to me. I can't trust you to keep any."

Ianto's voice got slightly high-pitched at the end of that sentence. His emotions were raw and filled him with a mixture of pain, confusion and hatred.

"If you love me so much, then why the fuck did you treat me like that?"

Anger was back. His hands balled tightly, shaking at his sides. Ianto's face was twisted into a snarl.

Jack recoiled. Averting his eyes, he closed his eyes.

"I couldn't let myself become close with you. Before… I hadn't even admitted to myself how I felt about you. I knew if I did, I wouldn't leave. It was important that I left so that I find out whether he could make me normal. I could grow old with someone, have a normal life. Instead he called me wrong. I wanted to give you a normal life. You know, marriage, kids etc."

"It's called a civil partnership and we can't have kids."

Jack stood up so fast, his fist going through wall he had been resting against.

"Don't you think I fucking know that? Ianto I'm your first male. Do you not realise that I keep thinking you're going to turn around one day and say that all this was a mistake; that you do want marriage and kids, who are your own flesh and blood. Or what if you get bored of me and all my emotional baggage? What if some young thing takes your fancying? Fact is, Ianto, I love you so much; I would be willing to let you go so you could have what you wanted whilst living to some grand old age. Here with me that's never going to happen."

Ianto was shocked. He had never thought that Jack had doubts about their relationship. What Jack said caused many thoughts to go whizzing around Ianto's mind.

Did he want his own kids?

Did he want to live a normal life?

What about marriage?

What about Torchwood?

Was he really just 'experimenting' with Jack?

Were his feelings for Jack even true, then?

"Let's start again."

Jack looked up, confused.

"We start again and actually date. There can be a rule of how many dates before we doing anything physically straining. That way we can re-build our trust of each other and get to know each other more."

Jack's face broke out into a grin, his eyes lighting up, chasing away the dark.

"Really? You would give me another chance?"

"Yeah. I'm not making any promises but I'm willing to give us another try. Only we have to do it properly this time. What do you say?"

"I love you."

Ianto smiled gently, face softening, and sighed.

"Too soon?"

"No. I need to hear it often, without it sounding cheesy or anything."

Jack nodded in understanding before speaking.

"So how many dates until we can …?" He was puzzled at what to call it – sex or making love?

"13."

"Your lucky number."

"Of course." Ianto was surprised that Jack knew that small detail about him.

The two shared a gentle kiss, before getting back to searching for the radioactive cluster bombs.

* * *

So what do you think?

I was reading a fanfic about Ianto's reaction to Jack coming back after TYTNW and decided to write my own. (For those interested the story is called 'Somebody That I Used to Know' by TearyJewelEyes and, as suggested by the title, is a song fic.)

Please review


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